Once again, I shared our Milk Sharing Project on a mommy page, and I was called a hero. I guess the recognition feels good, but it's always annoying that the credit goes to me in our milk sharing relationship. As if I'm some superhero for a blessing God gave me. As if this was something I worked hard for, when in reality, it just fell in my lap. I share my milk, big deal. The credit really goes to you.
I sit at home and once in a while you will cross my mind and I will grab my pump. I eat a box of oreos, while netflixing, and get super excited about my pumping session. I add to my notepad how many ounces I've now pumped to donate, and I stick it in the freezer. That's about it. That's my side of it. But then I go to your house to deliver it, and I see your side of it.I see the empty cooler from the milk bank opened up and now empty. I see the sadness on your face when you tell me the bank keeps running out of milk. I see you nurse your baby, but unable to fill him up. I see the pain in your heart. I see you go to the freezer, pull out bags of other people's milk, and thaw it out for your son. I see the guilt. I see the jealousy. I see the entirely too long of process to get it to room temperature, so that he will happily drink it. I see your exhaustion and annoyance. I see you pump after nursing to keep your supply going. I see your dedication. I see how much time you spend on this. I see you run out of donor milk and have to make formula. I see your disappointment. I see your frustration.
It's not fair. I feel like your bank of good karma screwed you. If anyone deserves to breastfeed their baby it's you! The one who encourages and educates women all day long on breastfeeding. The one with a big nursing mother bumper sticker on her car. The one who is passionate about mother hood. The one who read every book, took every class. The one who knows the female anatomy better than some doctors, and yet had to come to terms that something failed along the way with hers. The one who stood by my side in my nursing journey. But you and I both know the reason for all of this. We already came to grips with fate. We know that we were soul sisters who were meant to raise their families together. It's just about balance. It's about breaking stigmas, educating, and reaching out. But it's still undeniably frustrating.
This is why when someone sticks the hero card on my face I just want to scream. I want to take video of your day and play it on a billboard for everyone to see. I want them to see the woman I look up to the most. The mom who sacrifices so much for her babies. You sacrifice your time and convenience to make sure that Elliott gets the most healthy breast milk possible, because his health and your passions are your priority. You balance so much in your life...work, school, social life, parenting, educating, [also, a freakishly clean house] and yet you find time in your day to make sure you are supporting the milk bank that gives to you, reaching out to breast feeding moms that are struggling, all while staying humble and grateful. I wish you could see what I see. Better yet, I wish you could see what your kids see. I just did what anyone who saw a hungry baby would do. But you did so much more than ever expected of you to do in the challenges that you faced. You never gave up. You never settled. And you advocated for your son. You are the hero. And I love you. Thank you for sharing this milk journey with me. Over 400 oz I was able to give my 3rd favorite little boy. Thank you for accepting that milk, and for never making me feel like I didn't do enough. This has been one of my favorite parts of our friendship.Love,
Your Milk Sister.
My best friend has done it again; she has made my cry with her beautiful words and the way she sees people and the world. Amber, you are by far the most beautifully spirited person that I have ever met. You live in love and that is all I’ve ever wanted to see in each person in this world. You have a rippling effect that impact’s many people. You were spot on about many things in this blog. My journey has been rough but it has also been absolutely beautiful. You have helped me see the beauty in a lot of it. The first time you and I had “one on one” time when we were 12 or 13, I remember taking a walk with you. On this walk the sun was warm, the breeze was gentle, the temperature was perfect, our conversation was stimulating, and the birds were singing beautifully. This was my perception of my current setting. I looked at you and you said “Ugh, those birds are so annoying. They make horrible sounds!” Everyone knows that birds are my favorite animal but you didn’t at this point in our relationship. I looked at you and said “If you didn’t know what unpleasant sounds sounded like, how would you know what was pleasant?” You agreed with me, feeling enlightened, and we continued on with our conversation. This statement I told you had a huge impact on your life and I did not know that until you shared this with me in our recent years. You can make a big impact on someone’s life without ever knowing it. I know that you know you have created a big impact on my life, but I want to exaggerate how big this impact is. I don’t know if I could have got through this painful obstacle, intact, (the most painful one yet in my life) without you. In this journey we have loved, laughed, cried, held each other, and most of all connected deeper than I could have ever imagined. I feel like you are literally a part of my heart, soul, and body. God is smiling down right now at the choices you’ve made. You are a MF super hero and you deserve that title. I appreciate your milk so much that it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside but even more so I appreciate your friendship. If you won’t own the super hero title for your milk, then own for our friendship. Thank you for your acknowledgment. Every ounce of milk you have given me has been a blessing and I have never expected any of it from you, or other women. Every ounce you give Elliott helps him stay healthy and keeps him from having allergic reactions to formula. My heart sings with happiness when women breastfeed their babies and my heart sings with happiness when women help women.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Your Milk Sister